Alright, let’s dive into this crazy world of Date Everything. I mean, what a wild ride, right? Seriously, I never knew my towels and breaker box could be, well, "my type." Emotionally, though? My air-conditioning unit takes the cake. No joke. I kinda vibe with my eclectic dishes too, but geez, they come with SO much baggage. Am I ready for that deep dive? Meh. Meanwhile, me and my game console started off rocky, but hey, second chances, right? Right now, snuggling with my teddy bear and vacuum — now that’s mental health care, folks. Without Date Everything, all this would sound totally bonkers. Thank goodness this game exists, balancing the insane with the heartfelt. The gaming world could use a bit of that.
So, this little gem comes from Team17, created by Sassy Chap Games — bunch of voice actors turned developers like Ray Chase and Robbie Daymond. Suddenly, my doors are chatting up a storm, thanks to Ben Starr’s voice. Now every time I shut a door, I swear, I almost apologize or flirt. Weird? Yes. Amazing? Also yes. And Matt Mercer voicing my D20? Let’s just say, missed expectations are a real thing.
I went in thinking Date Everything would be a quaint dating sim with a few chuckles. Nah. It’s about dating every item you own — yes, everything. Befriend them, love them, hate them, all 100 within around 80 hours. Yeah, deep stuff. Every bit of it is crafted with love, which is saying a lot for romance sims. My friends? Now it’s my mission to get them hooked just to hear which household item they find smooch-worthy.
About those Dateviators glasses — they let you connect with the stuff in your house. "Date" here means "Directly Acknowledging a Thing’s Existence," which is both mind-blowing and kind of weirdly profound. Does this make sense? Maybe not. But each character has a story, possibly more than some people I know. Oh, did I mention the game has like 70,000 voice lines and 11,000 hand-drawn images? Madness. Utterly addictive madness.
Now, the plot: you get hired, fired, and then these glasses show up out of nowhere. Weird, right? But it gives time to chat with your home’s quirkiest inhabitants. Five chats a day, recharge at night — like a social marathon. But fun. Shockingly, even 20 hours in, I only met like 87 characters. Note: the other 13 remained well-hidden, like introverted cats at a party.
The kicker? Bringing these characters to life. You gotta boost your Poise, Smarts, and other stats. Love some, hate others. It all leads somewhere, with achievements galore. Ever fill a home with pure rage? The game awards you for that. Neat, if not slightly concerning.
Tracking down each personified item? An adventure. Bobby, the quirky bobby pin sneaks around, and Dolly, a charming dust bunny — yes, I said dust bunny — appears startlingly. My first virtual fling was with Tyrell, the suave towel with globe-trotting dreams. Friends? Timothy the punctual clock catboy, nothing complicated. Rebel, the duck? Easier to hate, honestly.
The antics and voices hit, every time. Imagine Johnny Splash, the shower with rockstar aspirations — and how about Max Mittlemman’s toilet humor? Pun-tastic and unapologetic. No heart-gripping choices here, just joyful absurdity and unhindered laughter.
Want all achievements? Expect around 80 hours of this madness. The game spoon-feeds clues through a phone feature named ‘Roomers.’ Inclusive, unpredictable, relatable — who would’ve thought? This game’s about talking furniture, but it gets real deep, surprisingly.
It’s packed with… everything. Self-respect? Check. Advice from sofas? Yup. Feeling down? This feels like the better choice than some relationships I’ve seen. You get my point. It’s good vibes all around.
So, what’s next from Sassy Chap? Whatever it is, sign me up. The dedication, creativity, this sterile world of polygons and pixels needed a shake-up. Plus, apparently, making out with a coffee maker? Unexpectedly uplifting. Who saw that coming?
