Some Doom Fans Are Cancelling Their Dark Ages Pre-Orders

Alright, here we go. Bear with me, this might be a bit all over the place, but hey, that’s life, right?

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So, get this. We’re days away from the big launch of “Doom: The Dark Ages,” and suddenly, fans are flipping out online. Why? Well, turns out the game disc is more like a… coaster? Barely any data on it. You gotta download a whopping 85 gigs to even play it. I mean, that’s a lot, right? My poor internet would give up halfway. No kidding.

And people aren’t happy about it, obviously. Some folks even canceled their pre-orders. Kinda makes you wonder, did Bethesda see this coming? Or were they like, “Eh, let’s see what happens.” The game is supposed to be a prequel to the 2016 reboot — you know, diving into the Doom Slayer’s past, all mysterious-like, with all new weapons that sound both awesome and slightly terrifying. Ever thought about tearing through demons with a “Shield Saw”? Sounds intense.

Oh, and there’s this Cosmic Realm thing — Lovecraftian nightmares, anyone? Honestly, just hearing “Lovecraftian” gives me shivers. Might’ve read too many stories late at night.

Early access is out for the folks who shelled out for the Premium Edition. As for the rest of us peasants who grabbed the Standard Edition? Mark your calendar for May 14, 8 PM Eastern. I’ll probably be eating dinner, but maybe I’ll hop in after — if the download doesn’t take a million years.

The controversy? It’s definitely brewing. Some gamers are convinced this is a slippery slope. Apparently, it’s becoming a trend to get physical copies that aren’t… really complete? Like, seriously. What’s the point of buying a disc then? Might as well send us a downloadable postcard.

Anyway, that’s not even the end. There’s this whole pizza crossover thing going on. Yes, pizza and demons. Kind of makes me hungry just thinking about it. If you grab a pie from Prince St. Pizza, you get a special in-game skin. I don’t know why this is a thing, but it is. That skin better look cool after giving my arteries a workout.

Despite all the noise, critics are actually saying not-so-bad things about the game. Makes you wonder if the noise will just be background chatter in the end. But who knows? Maybe all the drama will scare away buyers. Or maybe not. Life’s a mystery, and so is the gaming world these days.

Okay, rant over. Let’s see what happens next.